Having trouble with this site?

For argument’s sake, let’s call him Josh. You know Josh. He plays Two Dots on his phone whenever his manager is in a meeting. He sends you NSFW emails that you unwittingly open just as the CEO is walking up behind you. He should have been fired ages ago, but they keep him around because they figure the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.

Wrong. It’s time to clean house. Neither Josh nor your bad CMS is doing you any favours:

1. It sits around relaxing, not caring about anyone but itself.

Behold! The field in which I grow my fucks

As you enter content, it chucks it online with the grace of a staggering elephant. Whoever built this lazy CMS wasn’t thinking about you and your content, and as long as they get paid, whoever built it doesn’t care.

2. It’s myopic. It’s navel gazing. It’s definitely not Super Grover.

If I live like there's no tomorrow, why the hell am I going to work?

A bad CMS lives like there’s no tomorrow, and treats your content that way too. So when things like Google Glass, personalised digital signage or sweet sweet donut delivery drones come along, your content won’t be in shape to get on board with the new channels.

3. What it does all day, no one quite knows.

Designs your website cheaply, only he can update it

You’re not sure what part does what thing, and even if you could, you wouldn’t want to change anything for fear the roof would fall down and kill everyone.

4. It does all the things, none of them very well.

Hey it's Bart! He's doin' stuff

A bad CMS is bad at its job. It’s bloated with all kinds of distraction: features you don’t need, things you never asked for. What does bloated technology mean? So. Slow. On the plus side, while you’re waiting for that image to upload, you can try to beat Josh’s high score on Two Dots. Small triumphs.

5. It tricks you into collaborating, but makes you do the work.

We are working together

Hint: if you use emails and Word to work with others, only uploading content to the CMS at the end, that’s not collaborating in the CMS. That’s a really cumbersome workflow.

6. It’s a sneaky sneak that sneaks.

Filthy stinking thieves

It might steal your lunch out of the fridge, it might crash when you’re minutes from deadline and haven’t had time to back up anything. Worse, it might get hacked so one day your site is about great artworks, and the next you’re selling herbal supplements. Unless of course you’re in the business of selling herbal supplements. In which case, carry on.

What doesn't kill you will hopefully try again

Want to ditch your CMS or your shitty co-worker? We can help with at least one of those things.

End of article.